Love is in the air

"No way. I'd definitely put my balls above my d*ck."

Apologies for the crude langauge to open up - I do not mean to offend, but such magic quotes cannot be ignored, especially when they are backed up by such good blog-fodder. Today's quote comes once again from the deftly subtle tongue of Niko, but before you become alarmed at such outrageous uncouthness, let me explain the context. We were of course discussing the advice of Bobo's (World's finest scrotum polish) publicity material that "It's time to acknowledge your second ,most valuable asset" and get yourself a scrotum shine. Having just been handed this fascinating piece of advice from what could only be described as a 'hybrid pixie/man/woman' we then entered into debate about what was the first most valuable asset - hence the Finn's vehement response. Welcome to the San Francisco Love Parade.



More on Bobo's scrotal treatments later, but for now let me take you to the wonderful world of San Francisco. So far since I arrived here, my time has been spent in the leafy, relxed, intellectual surroundings of Berkely (University of California). Its a beautiful place to be in September with clear blue skies, gently warming sun, magnificent views of the Bay Area and thousands of uber-students whose main worry in the world is which variety of organic juice smoothie they're gonna buy. In a word, it’s lovely (and the juices are amazing), but lovely as it is, I was itching to get a feel for the city on Berkely's doorstep - the famous, but surprisingly small (only 750,000 inhabitants) city of San Francisco. Well now was my chance. As the weekend rolled around in a blur of chilli, port and poker, Saturday brought a new and exciting option. The Love Parade had come to San Francisco and was destined to be the highlight of my first Stateside weekend.

For those unfamiliar with this event, Love Parade is a celebration of exhibitionism, freedom of expression and dance music. It was born in Berlin in 1989 as the winds of change swept through Europe, when 150 people held political demonstration for peace and unity under the guise of a techno party. The event became an annual fixture following the collapse of the Wall and grew almost exponentially to the point the by the late 90’s well over 1.5 million people flocked to Berlin for the party. Unfortunately, the love ran out in Berlin and there has been no Love Parade there since 2003 (all down to legal issues over who foots the bill and subsequent funding problems). However, love overcame this bureaucratic heart-breaker and the organisers decided to set up the Love Parade phenomenon from scratch right here in San Francisco. This city notorious for its love of peace, free love, parties and exhibitionism seemed the perfect location.

So it’s thanks to all this that I found my self heading into the City on the BART rail system looking for a party. Within 10 seconds of emerging from the underground station, I’d already clocked a giant white rabbit, numerous ant-war/anti-Bush placards and two ladies exposing decidedly unappetising suspender-clad buttocks beneath tiny schoolgirl skirts. Definitely a sign of things to come. The remainder of the afternoon and evening was spent meandering around the heart of San Francisco, amidst architectural splendour of City Hall and other imposing period buildings gazing at men dressed as women (and vice versa), men dressed as giant fluffy beavers, a multitude of matching fuzzy boots and bras, painted ladies, girls dressed as cops, cops dressed as cops and lots and lots of naked chests. It was truly a sight to behold. San Francisans appeared to be welcoming Love Parade with open arms. You can see more photos of Love Parade here on my flickr photo site.

So it was while pausing to reflect the bold sponsorship of the event by Niko’s favourite Finlandia vodka that we were approached by the lady of unusual appearance brandishing the flyers for Bobo’s. She gave a good sell and had us all thinking why we’d never contemplated giving our beloved balls some TLC. We pocketed the flyer and checked out the website. Its good. Opening animations of cartoon scrotal regions strolling down a street have a tendency to bode well and this is no exception. Here’s a sample of what you’ll find…
“Haven’t you forgotten something? You take such good care of your teeth, hair and even your armpits, but what about your second most valuable asset? That’s right, your cramped, overheated, underloved SCROTUM. You never even mention your scrotum, let alone care for the poor wrinkled fella. Don’t you think it’s time for a bit of pampering?” Well if you agree with Bobo’s, then they have a range of scrotal polish varieties for you. There’s Rise and Shine – stimulating morning mint that gets you up and at em, or Cowboy Cappuccino – giddy up and glow and even Bobo’s bovine – in the big jar for the well endowed. Give the site a look. Its sure to bring a chuckle and maybe you’ll revolutionise your scrotal outlook.

I think I already failed on my quest to bring Latin into every post. Never mind. Que sera sera.